... (twilightsgirl) wrote in allmadeofscars,
...
twilightsgirl
allmadeofscars

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Mean boys

My elementary school had like 300 people for a while...then 400...
I don't know what a normal elementary school size is. It might be the same as my school was. But this was the school for the whole island under 13. So you know everyone. Your best friends are neighbours with your enemies...and everybody is around each other all the time. I hated it. People are mean, I didn't want to be around them at all.

One time, in grade seven, this outspoken guy hit me on the head with a book...
{I guess he was kind of the "class clown". Oh my god, that's so typical...but he was.}
...Probably a text book. Then he laughed. And then probably everyone else laughed. Why is that so funny? I've been really shy all my life. I have social anxiety disorder and I think I've kind of had it all my life. Something like that really bothered me.

Anyways, I don't know what else happened that day, but I was close to tears. It was probably lunch time, cause I went outside and walked around. Of course one stupid friend came running along, and one of the kids nice moms...but they just felt like they had to, and I want to be alone! And I don't want they're stupid comfort or whatever the hell they're trying to give me. Pity. I don't know. Fuck off. But of course I can't say that. I just walk around, maybe hoping I'll lose them. Then I think I have to go back in, and of course everybody's been talking about me while I was gone. So they're all staring at me and laughing at me probably...and ahhh....

Fuck, the guys in my class in grade seven were such assholes! So not all of the guys were...there were a few that were really quiet and kind of different. The same guys who were in my classes since kindergarten. There was only one class of grade sevens our year, and usually there would be two. That made it even worse. There were a fair bit of crazy kids at our school...

Anyways, at that time, we were kind of "boys against girls." Yeah, we were kids. One time the guys thought that the more outgoing girls threw their clothes in the garbage?!?! After gym or something. That was my friends and me. We had no idea what they were talking about. Those guys were crazy. My friends were bad friends by the way. I hate them. Well, not completely...but they did some pretty stupid and hurtful things then. Lots of betrayal. I've had that around me all my life though. I mean with my friends...

For me this stuff wasn't really that long ago. I should have just finished grade eleven, but instead I've been out of school for 6 months...(and in an independant alternative school for a year before that.) and in the meantime grew and realized a lot...
I don't know, the point is, grade seven wasn't all that long ago, but it certainly feels like it was. I can still remember it though.
So it seems like my old friends are way behind me...because I've left school...and they're still stuck in that horrible highschool, with the mindless, materialistic, immature idiots; and you're one of them! (I mean they are)

yeah
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